The Captain's Table

Tee Many Martoonis? Dr. Tiina P Check In!

Once again it's time for an update of one of my favorite features here at The Captain's Table - another report from the front lines of nephrology from Dr. Tiina P. Today's report concerns Tiina's work with a research program on homeless alcoholics in my home town of Ottawa! To think if I'd only stayed there I too could be enjoying one of the following tasty cocktails...

But, of course, to understand what the hell I'm talking about you need to read Dr. Tiina P's latest email. Enjoy!

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"Ummmm, okay. When I was doing my alcoholism research, I had to interview guys who were homeless and who had been alcoholics for an average of 35 years. One of the questions was about the alcohols they drank when they couldn't get their hands on the good stuff, and by good stuff I mean
anything potable.

The overwhelming favorite was Listerine, with an alcohol content of 26% at $5 for a half galon. The advantages were that it was cheap, doesn't give a hangover, and as one guy said, "you can get it in jail." It had to be Listerine because "Scope makes you blow bubbles." Aqua Velva was called "blue lightning"- also a fave. One guy used to take a can of Lysol, open the can up with a can opener and let the air out *very slowly* then pour out the contents (about 60% alcohol) and dilute it in warm water. What did that taste like? You wonder. I asked- he said "like Thrills gum." Then, there was "record pressing," when you melt down old LP's and strain the effluent through a piece of cloth ("your shirt") and that gives a buzz, apparently.

When I went through their hospital charts, I had a look at their alcohol levels when they were brought to the emergency room. A regular drunk person- really really drunk would have a level of 18. Their levels were routinely 115, which speaks to the incredible tolerance they had, all fortified by Listerine.

OK Kung Foo Fighter- that's all I have for now- I hope you can use it. I gotta get back to work."

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Yes Tiina, you get back to work. And cheers!

Dr. Tiina P checks in

Okay, so a new medical oddity has found it's way here from my good friend Doctor Tiina P. She writes:

"A 17-year-old boy jumped over a fence and sustained an avulsion injury to the fifth finger of his right hand when the ring he was wearing caught on the fence. The finger was amputated through the distal interphalangeal joint, and the tendon of the flexor digitorum profundus muscle was completely pulled out (Panel A). The insertion of the superficial flexor tendon remained intact, and the patient was able to flex the remaining stump of the finger. The torn-out tendon was resected, and the amputated part of the finger replanted microsurgically. Postoperative anticoagulant therapy consisted of aspirin and intravenous heparin given for seven days. Healing was uneventful, and the patient was discharged after 15 days. The final result is shown in Panel B. At seven weeks' follow-up, the patient was able to flex the finger actively; the range of motion was 50 degrees in the proximal interphalangeal joint and 30 degrees in the distal interphalangeal joint.
TTFN
T"

Now what that means in layman's terms is that this kid ripped off not only his finger but also neatly pulled out the entire tendon affixed to that finger up to around his 17 year old elbow. The following picture shows that quite clearly but, please, as with all of Tiina P's medical reports, don't click on the picture if you are squeamish. I've made the picture extra small for those who don't want the full panoply of visuals...

JESUS ANDJEHOSEPHAT! No No No No No!!

Thanks Tiina P for weirding us all out again!

A real doctor told me...

My good friend Tiina P - an honest to god, certified and gen-yoo-wine doctor of medicine (and a canadian) often regales me via email with some of the things she runs into on a fairly regular basis. So, from time to time, here at The Captain's Table I'll feature one of her delightful tales.

We'll start with an easy one cause, frankly, sometimes Tiina's stories get really gross and have things like people's bellies exploding and whatnot. As Tiina writes today...

THE TALE OF THE PLASTIC FORK

"Weird case of the day: a psychiatric patient a decade ago says "I swallowed a fork" which of course everyone dismisses as him being a psychiatric patient. "Sure you did. Now take your pills." Later, he has tummy trouble- like a lot later- a decade later. and so they put a little camera down on a stick to see what was going on (OK it wasn't on a stick, it was on a tube) and guess what was sitting down there... a white plastic fork circa 1991."