How to Smash that Man Right Out of Your Hair

My friend Kim from SanFran recently was disappointed in love by her caddish ex-boyfriend who played the ole "I gotta move on, babe" card.

Well some people might get nothing but MAD...

But some people do what has to be done!

Kim does what has to be done.

Her email (below) suggests not only a fine therapeutic way of dealing with these things but also as a gentle reminder to caddish men everywhere that THEY WILL GET OVER YOU, ACE!

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Subj: Glass-Breakin

"So now that i actually did it i'd just like to report that i just went and broke some bottles and plates in an empty lot in emeryville (next to a huge apartment high rise!) with some 28 yr-old girl i found through craigslist (who was also dumped a couple months ago).

i posted an ad, in my more rage-filled days of two or so weeks ago (although i am still filled with plenty of stress), saying i wanted to go break some stuff, basically for rage-dispersion purposes. due to scheduling conflicts and me being unenthusiastic about email in general, we couldn't make our schedules work until just now.

i picked her up at the macarthur bart station-- she left me a phone message and said among other things that she'd be the white girl with a big bag of bottles and plates... i just barely made it there in time, i had also been waiting in the wrong area for a while. then i followed a friend's directions to what i was hoping would be a vast expanse of deserted parking lot near the freeway, but it didn't look very deserted. then we drove a little further and found something that looked deserted, but was actually, as mentioned above, next to a big apartment high rise. andrea's suggestion was just that we do it quickly and run away. so we were doing that for a bit, but then some guy from i think the apartment complex came over and shone a flashlight in our faces and said that people thought cars were being broken into. no, andrea said, i'm just breaking some plates for an art project! (she did tell me she was going to use the plate chips for a tabletop... i think she really is, but the bottles were definitely not for an "art project") he eventually went away, and she pointed out that:

" a) if he'd wanted us to stop he would have said so, and b) we probably weren't on his property anyway so he couldn't really do anything about it. so, it was fun. i could have done a lot more of it actually (if YOU ever want to do this, now you know who[m] to call!). i found the juice squeeze bottles a lot funner (sic) than the beer bottles (my roommate's boyfriend's i think)-- i think because the JS bottles were thinner or something."

and then i dropped her off near where she lives!

she seemed pretty cool and said if i ever wanted to do something really random again to give her a call or something, but she also said this was one of the weirdest things she'd ever done, so i think she might think i'm strange. i dunno."

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ACES KIM!

Comments

[kim]

well, i'd just like to clarify that it wasn't quite the "i've got to move on, babe" card-- in fact, if he had said anything like that that might have been something of an improvement. no, it was that extra-special "i've been seeing someone for two weeks and we haven't slept together yet but wouldn't you know it we're in a Monogamous Relationship now!" card. what, you love that card too?

but you know what's really aces, nick... your awesome blog graphics.

[FLUTE]

I Love It !!!

Only thing ... too bad they weren't HIS plates and glasses. And squishy juice bottle (hmmm, say what?). Although, I guess the 'randomness' was a factor for you.

I'm thinking of that scene from "Waiting to Exhale" where Angela Bassett loads all of her "cheating husband's" stuff up into his car, pours gas all over it, throws a match on it and ... well, you can take it from there. But the look on her face and how she walks away from the flaming vehicle is absolutely priceless.

.........

(Oh, and, and by the way, this post betrays no subliminal bitterness on my part. No way. Never. Nothing like THAT has ever, EVER happened to this happenin' gal, this groovin' chick. MOI???? Let's be real, let's be absolutely crystal clear on that very salient point!!

Hmmm, well, let's see now, ummm, maybe, just maybe now, I should give that a little more thought ... yea, yea ... I'll get back to ya'll on it, ok?)

[Kim]

re: "squishy juice bottles": "juice squeeze" is a beverage made by the crystal geyser company that comes in 12 oz. glass bottles.